Tales of the Parodyverse

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Spaztic Chyld
Wed Sep 29, 2004 at 06:35:22 pm EDT

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Indiana Gnome AND THE GARGOYLE OF DOOM!
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Indiana Gnome and Gunthar
in...

INDIANA GNOME...
AND THE GARGOYLE of DOOM!

PART III
...THE FINAL CHAPTER




Hazy skies mask the stars and emphasize the glow of the full moon. Few people are out on a night like tonight, knowing it usually brings out the weirdest of the weird. The streets of Parodopolis are quite empty, except for the roving patrol cars. Even the homeless seem to sense something about this night, as all have found refuge where they won’t be seen. In Statue Park, Officer Mc Intyre is off duty now. He and a few other watchers are gathered near a fallen stone gargoyle, all with deep concern on their faces. Indiana is also there, looking even more worried than they. He’s never seen Gunthar turn to stone this long before.

“Did he say how many there were Indie?” Asks a tall, lanky gentleman with dark curly hair and mutton chops.

“No... he just said that it was gargoyles and then turned to stone.”

“That’s just an addition to our troubles, lads. I don’ know if it got ‘round to you all... but there’s also black elves amongst us on these here streets.” Officer Mc Intyre informs the group and a couple of the watchers gasp.

“It can’ be! Dey was all banished to da Dark Dimension! Taught it twas a place dey’d all be right an happy wit?!” Came the disbelieving cry of one of the more elder of this group of Irish men.

“Whatever the reason... I think it has something to do with this gateway down in the industrial district, Indiana interjects. “I think that whatever is letting the black elves in here is letting the....” He stops mid-sentence as a cracking noise comes from the statue at their feet.

Looking down, they all huddle around to watch this huge statue flake away. As the stone chips fall to the ground, they crumble to dust. One of the watchers catches one of the flakes and holds it up to look at it, but as he does, it turns to dust itself and blows away in the night breeze. Soon, Gunthar is looking back to his normal self. Slowly, he shakes his mane of black hair and rubs the dust from his eyes. Suddenly, as if reliving his last moments, he sits up in a start and scares almost all of the watchers from his sides.

“Indiana!” He exclaims in a deep, rough voice that sounds more like stones rubbing together than a real voice. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Almost the whole day.”

Rising to his feet, he stands well over the watchers by a good four feet. Looking at him in the moonlight, some of the watchers see for the first time what they’d only heard stories about. Here before them, is the mythical half gargoyle that had been in their storybooks and lore for many a generations, looking right down on them. Standing at nine feet eleven inches, Gunthar is a sight to see. His long black hair adds to the chiseled face and perfect body of a man, and his huge black wings hang loosely to his sides resembling a leathery cape from straight on. His green eyes are glowing just a little, allowing him to see every detail as if it were midday. And his leather loin cloth marks him as from an ancient time.
“Who are all of these people?” he asks, as he looks each one in the eyes as if trying to discern their intentions for being there.

“This is da rest o’ da Watchers Gunthar” Officer Mc Intyre steps forward to say. “We was all worried about da news dat Indie brought us.” He looks back at Indiana and the rest of the watchers who had slowly moved back towards Gunthar when they saw that he didn’t attack him. Officer Mc Intyre looked back up to gunthar. “Tell us, Lad... tell us what it twas dat ya saw.” he encouraged Gunthar.

“It’s more than you can handle.” Gunthar said, looking down at them all.

“Try us! We jus’ might go an’ surprise ya!”

Indiana walked up to Officer Mc Intyre’s side and looked up with confidence on his face. Seeing this, Gunthar rested on the ground to be eye level with them all (Indiana being the exception) and he began his tale...

About an hour later....

“... and after they thought they had me caught in their trap, I burst through the bottom of the ship and swam as hard as I could. When I surfaced, I was on the edge of the park. I flew as far as I could into the statues and that’s when I found Indiana.” Everyone’s eyes were huge with amazement. Not a person (or gnome) said a thing. It was Indiana that decided to break the silence.

“I knew it! HA! HA! I knew it!” he exclaimed, making everyone but Gunthar jump. “Officer Mc Intyre, those elves are responsible for the gargoyles being on the loose!”

“How do ya get that outta what Gunthar just told us?”

“Gunthar, where was the first time you saw the gargoyles?” Indiana asked with a look on his face like he was putting a giant puzzle together to win a prize.

“Down by Humbolt Orphanage...”

“See?!” Indiana exclaimed again. Still, people sat and scratched their heads in bewilderment.

“See what?” asked one of the other watchers.

“Officer Mc Intyre, where have the children been disappearing from?”

“Orphanages... But I still don’t make da connection....” And then he too stops what he was saying and the wheels in his mind slowly connect and make their turns, until... “If dey was da ones stealin’ da little ones...” He began.

“...And they saw a possible threat to what they were doing...” Indiana continued.

“...Then they’d want me out of the way because their magic doesn’t work on me!” Gunthar concludes himself.

“And de only ting dat can take down a gargoyle is anudder gargoyle.” The eldest watcher says in his thick Irish accent. Then he stands up, walks up to Gunthar and holds out his hand for Gunthar to take something. Gunthar opens his hand and the watcher drops a piece of amber onto Gunthar’s opened palm. “Look closely at dis wee little stone an tell me wha’ ya see.”

Gunthar holds it up and peers into the amber. There, in perfect condition, is a four leaf clover. “I see a four leaf clover.” Quick murmuring spreads through the watchers, leaving both Indiana and Gunthar at a disadvantage. “What is it?” Gunthar asks with interest.

“‘Tis both a key an’ a protector!” The elder said in hushed tones. Even more whispers came from the group. “Wha’ ya have dair is de oldest four leaf clover ever known ta man. ‘Tis said dat when da moon is full, it’s at its fullest power.”

“But what does it do?” Indiana asked, no longer able to maintain his silence.

“When it’s given as a gift, Indie,” Officer Mc Intyre spoke up, “the receiver gets both power to conquer his foes an’ to send dem away for good.”

Gunthar looks the old man in the eye and smiles. Before he is able to thank him however, a large statue of the mayor flies right past them all and crashes next to Gunthar. “So it’s true!!!” yelled an even rougher voice than Gunthars. The watchers stand their ground as Gunthar rises to his feet to meet their unwelcome guests. “You even talk with THEM!” Yelled a large gargoyle with a twisted face, as it approached the small group.

Gunthar spread his wings, easily shielding the watchers and Indiana from the approaching danger. “Run, now!” Gunthar commanded them, but the watchers didn’t move.

“Yesss....” came another voice from their right. Another gargoyle with a snake-like face came into view. “Runnn... run into the shadows... we will let you go free....” it said as it somehow managed a grin.

“Not only do you kill gargoyles!!! You fellowship with... these... humans!!!” The first gargoyle roared insanely and grabbed another statue. “Now we will not only kill you, but we will kill you friends too!!” A statue of Man Man flies through the air and hits Gunthar square in the chest, exploding into millions of pieces and a cloud of dust. He bursts through this cloud and dives on the first gargoyle, clamping him by the throat. “You’ve... gotten... stronger...” it gasps. “But... how?”

“Just lucky I guess!” Gunthar says and throws the gargoyle into a few trees, knocking them on top of it. Bright flashes from behind him gets Gunthar’s attention. He turns to see Indiana levitating in the air, holding a shelayleigh that is glowing green. He and the Watchers are engaged in battle with the snake-headed gargoyle. One watcher is holding a bowl of clovers and sprinkling them with a golden powder. A light emanating from the bowl is beamed right at Indiana and seems to be the source of his levitation abilities. Just as the snake-headed gargoyle lunges for Indiana, Gunthar dives between them and crushes the monster’s head to gravel, leaving the body to turn to a formless rock.

The other Watchers run to the last gargoyle as it tries to get out from under the two trees that fell on it. Before Gunthar or Indiana can get there to help, all of the watchers pull out their lucky charms, which they wear around their necks, and chant something in Gaelic. A rainbow of colors shoots forth, a different color from each charm, and envelope the monster. Soon, it stops moving and all that is left is a marble statue of a gargoyle, covered in clovers.

“That was cool!” Indiana says as he runs up to check out Officer Mc Intyre’s lucky charm.



Across town, at Humbolt Orphanage and School, the principal sounds an internal alarm that is used for fire drills. As the students all stumble from their racks and head out into the courtyard, the students all mumble things you’d expect to hear if you were woken up in the middle of the night for a surprise fire drill. The teachers, on the other hand, seem to not be moving like normal; kind of stiff. The students shrug this off as late night stiffness that old people get and a few jokes are made amongst the already forming groups.

Suddenly, the children are encircled by black elves, outnumbering the students three to one. The scared children look to the teachers and for the first time, realize why they were walking so stiffly. Every teachers’ eyes are glazed over and they only seem to stare straight forward, not acknowledging the presence of the children. “They’re in some sort of trance!” Jonathan yells, and the rest of the children begin to panic. The elves all smile really big, exposing their sharp teeth. One kid remembers how strong Norville was and runs to ask him for help.

“Sure...” Norville grins wickedly with a smile that resembles that of those surrounding them. “I’ll help you...” The boy screams and pushes himself away from him, but Norville grabs his arm. In an attempt to get away, the boy scratches at Norville’s face, only to remove some of his makeup and reveal him for what he truly is himself, a black elf. Norville’s eyes grow bright green and he throws the kid in the air towards the waiting crowd of elves. The boy arches high out of view and all of the elves stop and stare at the fact that he didn’t come down.

Norville looks up into the hazy night to try and see, but just then he’s tapped on the shoulder. He turns and the last thing he sees is the knobby end of a glowing green shelayleigh. A few elves run towards Indiana with their hands in pouches. As they throw the dust in the air, a swift wind blows it back in their faces and all three of them stand paralyzed. Gunthar lands right between them and the rest of the elves begin to scatter. “Was it my breath?” he asks humorously as he spreads his wings and launches himself into the air. Indiana takes advantage of the confusion to gather the children to one side of the courtyard. Officer Mc Intyre and a few of the watchers are on the other side of the fence with Jonathan at their side. They help the kids over the fence as a battle wages on behind them.

Flashes of brilliant greens, reds, turquoises, and violet scatter through the air in wonderful displays, but the magic is of no use to the black elves now. Their only foe is the half human, half gargoyle known as Gunthar. He handles each elf with brutal force; smashing them together, against the ground and hurling some to places unknown with only dull thuds to mark their landings. As their numbers diminish, their fury for battle only grows greater. Some even revert to using crude weapons, such as metal bars they pulled off of playground equipment for clubs.

The eldest of the Watchers walks forward, into the courtyard. He holds out a single feather and begins singing in Gaelic. Then, swiping at the air, as if writing, he opens a portal that seems to be darker than the darkest night. It is a gateway to the dark dimension. Gunthar, seeing his cue, begins to hurtle the elves into the portal, as the elder sings and continues to write in the air. When they are all through the gateway, the elder stops singing and Gunthar holds up the amber and yells, “ETERNITY!” The gate snaps shut with a popping noise and the night is suddenly quiet. As the teachers start to come to from their magical enchantments, Gunthar and the rest of them leave the children and disappear into the night.


“Well...” Indiana says a few days later, as he hides in the shade of the clover covered gargoyle, “I guess that things are gonna be quiet for a while, now that we’ve shut those other portals down. “Think we’ll ever hear from any more black elves again?”

Gunthar looks around from his frozen position and whispers from the corner of his mouth, “I doubt it.”

A lady walking her dog stops and asks Indiana, “Excuse me little boy? Did you ask me something?”

“No...” Indiana says smiling up at the woman. “I was just thinking out loud was all.” he says with a very believable child-like innocence. As the lady continues on, Indiana turns to Gunthar and says grinning, “Yup!... Things are back to normal...”



Somewhere across town, Jonathan is going home with a family that chose to adopt him. Nothing in the world could ruin this day! As he waves good-bye to his friends, the car pulls out of the orphanage. They drive a few blocks and just as they were getting ready to pull away from a corner, he sees a kid who smiles at him with the most wicked smile, a few teeth are missing, but he recognizes the kid as Norville!





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